The first time I ever heard about the Five Love Languages was in 2011-2012. I was very confused with the concept. I however did research and found out it was written by a man named Gary Chapman. They are as follows:


  • Gift Giving
  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service (devotion)
  • Physical touch

The premise of the book, which I have yet to read (even though I have read on the Five Love Languages) is that everyone has a love language or two. Five Love Languages are listed, making me believe that he is saying there’s only five ways of showing love. I already have a problem with that notion. Out of these five love languages, people usually choose 2-3 as their main love languages. I for a long time believed my love languages were “gifts” and “act of services”, because I love giving and receiving gifts as well as philanthropy. Recently, as far as yesterday I had an epiphany while thinking about my approach to love; platonic and romantically. 

It dawned on me why I am having all these issues with intimacy, commitment, wanting to be loved and give love. If I am having these issues, others must be as well and that is why our personal, social and professional relationships suffer. What I realise is that our love languages changes depending on whom we are interacting with. Does that make sense? Are you mind blown yet? There’s a saying when it comes to physically intimacy that, ‘what works for one person might not work for the next’. That is the same with love. We want different people to love us differently. I don’t know if that is a nature and nurture issue but it’s very eye opening. I will give an example.

From a woman’s perspective, say you have a boyfriend and you want him to show his love through gifts and quality time. The relationship doesn’t work out,for whatever reason. You happen to meet a new guy. You immediately demand gifts and quality time because that is off course your love language or so you thought. However, once again you find yourself feeling empty. The gifts are not enough, when you are together you don’t feel that there’s enough substance to the relationship. Does this mean that something is wrong with you or him? Everyone can be the judge of that, however I think there is nothing wrong with either of you except a lack of communication and self awareness. You are unable to fullfill each other love languages because you are unclear at the moment what type of love you need from that specific person. What people fail to understand is that as spirit beings, we all react to different people in different ways. This causes us to constantly change without realising it.

The same girl who “needed’ gifts and quality time from her ex, might need physical touch and words of affirmation from her new partner. I am just giving examples on how we are constantly changing spiritually without being self aware which causes us to break or destroy relationships that could have been beneficial to our well being. When you know what you need from your partner it’s easier to tell them and ask what they need in return. This is a new concept for me but I hope to put it into practice. I think everyone has five love languages and are not limited to just a couple. Depending on how our spirit interacts with another person’s will determine the type of love language you desire from them. Only when another spirit is unwilling to give you the language you are seeking, is when relationships fall apart or do not develop.

I desire a different love from everyone I encounter, but not everyone is willing to give me the type of love I desire. That is fine, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or them. The goal is to find the people who can fullfill the love languages you ask of them whether platonic or romantic. It does not make them bad people if they refuse. It just means you have to keep searching until you find your love squad.

You won’t know which love language you are seeking, until you meet someone new and decide to give them a chance. 


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